the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
