you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
