Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
