I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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