You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
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