im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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