a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
