Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
