census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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