Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
