You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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