they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Randomize
