and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
