I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it penis luge time yet?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
