my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
