After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
