Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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