In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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