So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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