yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
