So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
should my penis look like a turkey
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
