i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize