I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
