His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
