At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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