I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
