i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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