i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am naked and annoyed.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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