just come out here and I will go home with you...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
