Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize