just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
