I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
