i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
