so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
