You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Actions speak louder than pants.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
