I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
