I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
