woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm like, not good at living.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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