she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
