I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
