Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
