I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
