That's intense
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
