She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
