end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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