omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
