Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
