things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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