ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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