Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize