Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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