you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
