my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
