I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
