i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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