There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
...so i touched it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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