Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
