I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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