we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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