dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
