I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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