My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
True strength comes from lack of pants
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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