i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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