OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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