I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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