does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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