Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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