Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think i have two assholes
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
