Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
