I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize