just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So here I am, sexting at work.
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