Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
