Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
