even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We had sex on a dog bed..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
