so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Randomize
