why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
