party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
