from now on my penis is your penis
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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