Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
