I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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