Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
