How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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