Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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