Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
