There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
