He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
