cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
this hospital has no fireball
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