So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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