Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
