Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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