so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize