She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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