I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
