Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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