Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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