Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
