I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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