i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
