Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize