I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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