2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
don't judge my taste in strippers
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
