it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
